Corona-Coaster V’s the Fertility-Coaster

Resentment and bitterness about how easy it seems to be for others, how they are flourishing and thriving whilst you are crumbling to pieces. These horrible shadow feelings, feeding into self- loathing as you know deep down you are a nice, caring person in a situation that is pushing and testing your limits.

Yet there is a deep need for connection for understanding and compassion and the welcoming support of others. To know others are thinking and feeling the same as you can be so comforting. However, we are all so individual with different stories, circumstances, coping strategies and issues. What makes us so wonderfully unique can at times of sadness make you feel more isolated and alone.

There is also the confusion as you scan the web looking for ways forward, information and advice that all seem to contradict itself as friends and experts differ in views and opinions leaving you unsure of what and to who believe, trust and take guidance from.
Searching for reassurance and needing to feel orientated, our heads spinning as we are left floating in the big expanse of the unknown. Does anyone really know what’s going on? Will it all be ok?

The feelings of lack of control, leaving it to the experts to look after us which in turns takes away our own autonomy our sense of what is right for our own individual circumstance and experience.

Combine this with an uncertain vision for what the future holds as this curve ball has destabilised all plans and good intentions. 

And then there are those wonderful days full of hope and joy, when energy and inspiration abound, when you feel you can take the bull by the horns and tame the beast.

You create plans and lists of everything you know you need to do to help yourself, to get you through this, exercise, healthy eating, ditching unhealthy habits and thoughts. You tell yourself ‘this week I am going to look after myself, I am going to stick to my self-care practices, this week I am going to be on top of my health and emotions’ I’ve got this……

Then for whatever reason, you can’t even pin point it, it all goes out the window and you find yourself chomping through a giant Dairy Milk bar or drinking half a bottle of wine making you feel annoyed and frustrated with yourself that you’ve failed and that you just can’t seem to get any of this right.

One day riding the wave of positivity and hope and the next lethargic with negativity and doubt and a general feeling of ‘I can’t be arsed and what’s the point’.

And that is where I can come in; I can help raise you back to that positive person you want to be, that person you are when life isn’t chucking crap at you leaving you feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and too exhausted to do anything about it.

When I think of my role in Fertility I see myself as the one positive, strong person that helps you to stay orientated amongst the chaos, reminding you of who you are and where you are going and why. I can help you to stay on the path whilst at the same time question your direction because sometimes the road can turn into one of those moving floors at the airport that carries you along taking you past your exit point.

I can help you navigate the complexities of emotions that arise and help you to notice those sabotaging thoughts and habits that derail you. I’m here to hold you, allowing you to deep dive into those darker emotions that we are told are ugly and must be hidden, allowing you to process and release them without guilt and shame for being human – emotions are normal and have value. I can help you get clear on what you want and why you want it, co-creating a vision and plan which helps you feel more in control and focused, helping you to stick to it.

But most of all, I can help you find yourself again.

I can’t imagine what it must be like for the many of you who have had your fertility treatment put on hold throughout the pandemic. I know for some of you it may have already started as BCRM is now open again. Any delay, any time off can make the sound of that imaginary ticking clock seem louder and louder. But many of you who work with me will also know how I believe it is so very important when going through fertility treatment to pause and process at different points in the journey as fertility can pound you with repeated waves of trauma that need to be worked through.

I am hoping for many that this enforced break has allowed time to work through and process your journey so far, to help you get some clarity on what YOU really want, how far you are willing to go, what support you need and how much you are willing to spend without feeling pressured by others.
I hope it has allowed you time and space to create a fertility holiday whilst at the same time giving yourself space to focus on preconception care; enhancing diet, exercising and also incorporating relaxation, down time even meditation.

However, I know and understand that we are all different that perhaps reading this makes you angry because all you have done is eat chocolate and watch Netflix because you are so fed up with this thing called life, I want to tell you that that is ok too because sometimes we just need to check out for a while. But when you decide that the time is right for you to come back, to wrestle that bull, to get back on track, I am here if and when you need me.

Victoria Gazzard is a Natural Fertility Specialist. During this time she is supporting her clients via Zoom offering Fertility Planning Sessions, Fertility Mind and Body Coaching.