My client made me cry…..

Yesterday a client of mine asked me ‘how did you know this was your calling? How did you know this is what you were meant to do?’

I was actually lost for words and have been on the verge of tears thinking about it since. The fact that she could see so much value in my role and see it as ‘my calling’ which feels exactly that to me – my calling – actually choked me.

When people ask what I do for a job and I reply ‘I’m a complementary therapist’ or ‘I work in fertility and pregnancy’ I find that it does not convey well what I really do in supporting my clients through one of the most difficult and traumatic times of their lives. It doesn’t explain the journey my clients have been on or are going through and how much strength, resilience and courage it takes to come and see me and bare their souls, uwrap thier traumas in order to heal and see a way forward.

 It doesn’t reflect the enormity of my work on a very small, individual and person-centered scale. How I support some very broken women who have suffered with ultimately being a female in a very masculine world that disconnects our heads, hearts and wombs – from the very core of our being.

 

To say I work in fertility doesn’t tell you how I may sit with a patient offering her a safe space where she can explore and express her repressed feelings of grief, anger, fear, vulnerability and trauma from a termination she had in her teens and has kept a secret all this time.

When I say I’m a reflexologist, this doesn’t explain how in the depths of grief over yet another miscarriage I provide a place to come where feelings can be expressed and gently released with the baby honoured and acknowledged. How I help to rebuild trust in herself and her body so she can try again.

Being a pregnancy massage therapist doesn’t represent how I work with women struggling and unable to connect with their babies through fear, grief or depression.

It doesn’t show how I help women feel good about themselves and their bodies and how I educate them with knowledge of how to utilise the ebb and flow of their monthly hormonal cycle.

 

You won’t know that yesterday a beautiful young woman trusted me enough to gently massage her abdomen which has caused her so much pain and agony since she started menstruating that she totally disconnected from her body as she lives in fear of the next endo ‘attack’. That she had for the first time, received a gentle and non-threatening touch to a place that has received nothing but trauma for decades.

My patient, who has never let anyone touch her abdomen, opened up and tells me of her experience entering womenhood; vomiting, in agony, of how since being a teenager she has been dismissed or treated badly by ‘professionals’ for debilitating symptoms that have stopped her living life to its full potential. When this amazing person asks me how I knew this was my calling when all I did was listen with an understanding ear and treat her gently, I feel emotional for my work being acknowledged but also very saddened because of how much she has been let down.

In answer to that question – how did I know this was my calling?

Because I understand my important role in helping women to heal from deep emotional or physical scarring, I understand the impact of trauma on the body and how this can manifest in fertility issues as well as in pregnancy and birth, I understand how incredibly important it is that women feel heard and are supported and how destructive this is to their being when they aren’t. And finally, because it chose me, I absolutely love it and I am deeply honored and proud that my amazing clients trust me enough to support them on their journey.

Victoria Gazzard is a natural fertility and pregnancy specialist working North Somerset supporting couples going through fertility challenges and pregnancy complications.

 

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